Science backed guide to gift-giving

The world seems to be disintegrating around us. And, for some, this festive season is marked by worrying personal news, or the loss of loved ones. Frankly, in the middle of all of this, it may feel frivolous to be talking about gifts. But for those of us who feel that they have to exchange gifts, or who want to, here are some tips to, hopefully, make that task a little bit easier.

Gift giving is a universal behaviour, and an important form of integration in a social group. However, it is also a major source of anxiety for gift givers. And given that recipients value the gifts received, on average, 20% less than the amount spent on them, maybe we are partly justified in that anxiety.

But, don’t despair: There has been plenty of research done around gift giving, to help you make informed decisions. 

Tip 1: Put yourself in the shoes of the recipient. 

Researchers Jeff Galak, Julian Givi and Elanor F. Williams point out the most common mistakes made in gift giving, and very helpfully provide an infographic to go with it. Table 1 in the paper is particularly helpful, and as the paper is open access I encourage you to check it here. But, in a nutshell, their advice is: put yourself in the shoes of the recipient, beyond the moment of exchange. How easy / pleasant will it be to actually use the gift? If they need to spend money and time to actually benefit from the gift (e.g., travel somewhere far in order to use a gift voucher), then their value for the receiver decreases.

Tip 2: Size doesn’t matter

Don’t focus too much on how big or expensive the gift is because, in general, it doesn’t really increase the recipient’s appreciation of the gift. Yes, you may want to spend more on gifts for someone you appreciate. However, Francis J. Flynn and Gabrielle S. Adams argue that, in most cases, the gift receiver does not equate a bigger or more expensive gift with a higher degree of appreciation.

Tip 3: Give them what they want

Some gift givers believe that they should give others what the gifters themselves like to receive, or what they wish they had been gifted when they were in similar circumstances (e.g., a new parent). Others spend lots of time going through lists of ideal gifts for someone of age X or in situation Y.

But Francesca Gino and Francis J. Flynn argue that trying to come up with a surprise gift is wasted time: “Gift givers expect unsolicited gifts will be considered more thoughtful and considerate by their intended recipients than is actually the case” (p. 915). So, if you don’t want to waste your money and effort, just listen to what the person wants and give it to them.

Tip 4: Don’t worry about fancy wrapping for friends, but make an effort for acquaintances

If you are giving a present to a friend, Jessica M. Rixom, Erick M. Mas and Brett A. Rixom have good news for you: don’t worry about wrapping it neatly. Fancy wrapping creates high expectations on the recipient, and this is likely to result in disappointment when the gift is unwrapped. 

However, if the recipient is just an acquaintance, you should put int the effort to wrap it very well. According to the authors, this is because “there is ambiguity in the relationship status and wrapping neatness serves as a cue about the relationship rather than the gift itself. This leads to assimilation effects where the recipient likes the gift more when neatly wrapped.” (p. 329)

Tip 5: Don’t fret.

We tend to think that everybody else is having more fun, feeling more loved and getting (or giving) better presents than we are. But that is simply not the case. As I discussed in this blog post: other people’s social lives really are not better than ours.

Plus, as I have been bitterly reminded recently: life is too short.

So, give blood if you can, donate time and money to a charity that does work that you value, and spend time with the people that make you feel cheerful (even if it is to just talk about the festive adverts). And if you do decide to spend money on gifts, follow the tips above.